Flawed
by Dream-Walker1436
Summary: Jennifer knew that she loved him. She just didn't know that it had been too late. Ronon had hoped that he could get past her but the good doctor had ruined his plans. Can they patch up what at first had been so simple?
1. Chapter 1

I wrote this story because I am a very big believer in the Ronon/Keller pairing. And there is too few of them out there. I probably love this paring all the more because it was never explored on the show. I know that I am not alone in loving this pair, so I decided to make a few fanfics of my own. Enjoy.

Also, I am not perfect and there will be mistakes. If you notice any, tell me. And if you know of a cool aspect of the show that I could use, please tell me!

Chapter One

_To be human is to be flawed_. She didn't know how many times she heard that as she grew up; she just knew that it was true. As she went through life she tried to prove it wrong, tried to be perfect in spite of knowing it to be impossible. But she now knew that she could never be perfect, because she know understood the enormity of her mistake.

_Mistakes are what make us human. Learning from them is what makes us smart_. But what if it was far to late to ever change the outcome of her mistake? Or was she not suppose to, but rather know that she must do the correct thing the next time around? Somehow she knew this not to be right.

Jennifer knew she was different from everyone as a young child. Not necessarily the jumping of grades, thought that certainly didn't help any, but rather different in some very fundamental way. And she knew, the way that most people knew their inner most desires, she _knew_ that she would only ever love once in her life. And she past it up. And for what? Two weeks of dating a man that she could barely think of in any way besides an annoying brother. Just because she thought that was what was expected of her? It wasn't until she had seen the way that McKay had stared at his brunette ex that she finally understood.

Who would ever of expected for perpetually grumpy, pessimistic McKay to fall in love with a happy, sickly optimistic plant fairy? But he did. Why couldn't she take a chance, simply for herself? For her own sanity, for her happiness? So she had. She broke it off with McKay, actually told him that she was in love with Ronon, after which she exacted a promise of male genital mutilation if he told. Ever. The fact that he hadn't been upset relieved her. And she had then set to work to getting the grumpy doctor and the happy plant fairy back together.

A small smile crept onto the tired face of Dr. Keller, drawing some admiring glances from her patients. She didn't notice this, as she hadn't anytime before. It was funny, in an ironic way, that she helped McKay with his relationship, considering that she couldn't even start one. Had never even really had one.

"Dr. Keller?" Richard Woolsey's voice spoke into her ear, sounding slightly disgruntled and harried.

"Yes, Sir?" She forces a smile toward the marine who looks at her, fixing the last bandage over the sutures she had just place, before she leaves him in the competent care of Marie.

"Do you have a moment to speak with me? I wanted to discuss your request for reassignment."

Jennifer holds in her gasp, but can't help the shudder that passes through her body or the way her heart starts to beat as if she had just finished sprinting around the base. "Yes, Sir, I'm free." She looks at her infirmary, glad to see that there are only a handful of people.

"I'll tell you right now that I'm not losing my CMO, but I think you and I can come to a compromise. I know that we've been keeping you busy." It surprised Jennifer that he actually sounded as if he cared about it, too. "Come to my office then. I'll be expecting you." A small click in her ear let her know that she was now alone in her head. With a shaking hand she brushes her hair out of her face, then turned away to the exit before an emergency showed up and she would be forced to stay. "Marie. I'll be back soon." And then she was having to stop herself from running to Woolsey's office.

Several people stared at her fast pace through the halls but none stopped her. And then before she was ready, she was in front of the door. Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand to the door, only to find it sliding open before her. And to find the one man that she did, and yet didn't, want to see. _Ronon_. Shock showed in his eyes before he quickly hid it. It was the first time in two weeks since she had seen him. He was actively avoiding her. Where before she would see him occasionally during meals, or for a patch job, or just casually in the halls, she now never saw him. Never. And that was unusual, even on a base the size of Atlantis.

Ever since he had left her alone in her room, his eyes already eaten up with guilt, she couldn't stop remembering the way that it had been. How in those moments she had been his world, how he had been hers. And nothing and no one else mattered but each other. It was the smartest thing that she had ever done. And the most stupidest. Smart, because she now had something to cling to, had a memory to hold onto and remind herself that she had been truly happy, even for just a short while in her life. Stupid because he would only ever be able to regret it. Because he was no longer free to choose her, even after she had admitted her mistake.

Their eyes met, that damn _zing_ going down her spine and that tingling that she hadn't really understood until two weeks ago, but his dark green looked away first. She looked away too, her face flushing with embarrassment. Because in that split second before he dropped his eyes she saw what he had tried to hide…shame. Stepping out of his way, she silently watched him walk away. It's terrible to know that your biggest mistake in life was letting the man you love go. It was next to impossible to know that _you_ were his biggest mistake.

She had finally done something for herself. She had gone to him, had laid her feelings out for his scrutiny. It had been a terrifying experience, but one she would never regret. She hadn't been expecting the fairy tale ending that her father had read to her as a little girl. Heck, he had given her more than she thought she would get with that simple night in her quarters. You didn't curse fate when your dream was over. Because usually it had been more than what you had deserve.

She watched him walk away. His slow predatory gait, like that of a stalking cat. All bunched muscle and prepared man. It still made her flush, knowing that she had run her hands all down his legs, his thighs and ass. Had known him in a way that few did. Despite having too many offers to know what to do with, she had the distinct impression that he hadn't been with many women recently. He wouldn't allow them to get that close to him. He the epitome of male beauty.

"Dr. Keller? You coming in?" Jennifer looked at the strong back of the man who could no longer look her in the eye, and with only a little regret for her decisions to come, turned toward the open door.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello! I hope you enjoyed my story thus far. If you notice any mistakes, or think of a cool aspect that I can add, please tell me! J

Don't own Stargate or blah, blah, blah. You know the drill. On to the story!

**Chapter Two**

He ran faster. He trained longer, harder. He took every damn mission that he could get his ass on. And still he would catch himself thinking about her. During the day he tried to keep her free of his thoughts because he knew as soon as he went to sleep she would invade his dreams. She had haunted him longer than he was comfortable admitting, and that was before the excuse of the memories she had given him.

There were times when he could feel nothing but anger toward her. He had finally found someone who was like him, who he thought maybe could overshadow the little blond who refused to leave his damn mind. And then, when he thought for sure he had gotten over their little what-ever you would call it, she changes her mind.

He still didn't know how they ended up in her room. Had no idea how they had made it there from the gym without anyone seeing them. All he remembered about the trip there was hurried hands, smooth skin and hungry mouths. But all that had stopped when they reached the dark confines of her room. They slowed down, hands lingered in places that had been forbidden, tongues tasted skin, leaving wet trails on soft flesh. She had explored every single plane on his body, caressed every scar that adorned him, whispering words that he took into his soul and even now, when he knew that it never should of happened, he could never give them up.

"_I'm sorry. Forgive me. I…I love you." _The last part whispered, as if she couldn't not say it, but didn't want him to hear. But he wanted every part of her, every thought and action to be for him, about him.

He had cupped her chin, forced her eyes to his. "Say it. Now." And when she had repeated her words, he had kissed her as if she was the most sacred thing in his world. "Tell me. What do you love about me?" It seemed to surprise her, his need of the words, his assurances that she did in fact know him and loved him for what he was.

She had tucked a piece of his hair behind him, her fingers lightly trailing down his back, smiling lightly at the flex of his back that he was unable to stop. "I love the warrior that protects his family with everything he has within him." She had dropped a kiss on top of his flat nipple, gently nuzzling it until it was a hard tip like her own. "I love the man who has been hurt so much and yet is brave enough to care for others." There were more, so many more, some silly like when she licked his neck and said, "I love you because only you would think a growl is answer enough to any question." To which he had simply growled. And with every one whispered, a caress accompanied it.

It was as if inside that room, they were separated from every responsibility and obligation that was chained to them. They were simply a man and woman who loved each other and were showing each other. Which is why Amelia never entered his mind.

There are many things that he has regretted. He regretted waiting to do the bonding ceremony with Melena. He regretted not being able to save his people. He regretted ever going into that room with Jennifer. And yet he regretted never saying those words back to her. For though he had showed her with every kiss and touch that he worshipped her, loved her, he never actually said those words to her.

One of the things he regretted most was not _asking_. He knew, just by looking at her, by the way she responded to his touches that she had not been with many men. But he had never even thought to ask if he was the first. A woman that beautiful…it seemed almost impossible for her to be a virgin. And yet, that was exactly what she had been. He shivered every time he thought about it. How when he had entered into her for that first time, she had cried out in awe, wonder and, of course, pain. The knowledge that he was the first shocked and delighted him.

Virginity to a Satedan is very different to how humans regard it, he had learned quickly. There were women who entered the base who were quick in offering their bodies to him, for the use of both of their pleasure. He had simply thought that virginity was not as important to humans as what his people had put on it, and he had never asked anyone if his assumption was correct.

Afterward, the real world had come back and he had to face the truth. He was without honor. He was not officially with Amelia, but there was an unspoken bond between them, that kept them from seeking others. And he had broken that trust, had stepped beyond what was honorable. Not only had he betrayed what was between Amelia and him, he had dishonored what Jennifer had given him. Because he knew that he wasn't free to give her what her gift of her body and love demanded.

A Satedan without honor… he had lived on nothing but his honor and pride for years. Even more so during his running years. And to suddenly realize everything that you had kept close to you, had used to define who you were, was suddenly gone… He had taken it out on her. Had said things that he was not proud of, had expected her to know things that she couldn't possibly know of.

"Hey, Big guy, you okay?" John sits next to the big Satedan in the empty cafeteria, still too early for the morning rush. A shadow of concern covered his face. "You've been different, Ronon. Truthfully I thought that you would come out of it but you seem to just be getting worse. What the hell is going on with you?"

He can't look him in the eyes, can barely sit still as he hears what his team mate is telling him. He grunts and starts to stand. But John grabs his arm and refuses to let go.

"Look I know I'm probably just asking for a black eye, but you need to tell me what the hell is going on. Is it, you know, uh, Amelia?" He retracts his hand at the glare sent to him. "Look we know that there might have been something. You guys weren't really telling what was going on between you two. But now you guys don't even pretend to bump into each other any more. What's up?"

They both expect him to leave, to refuse to talk about anything. He's not sure if John or him are more surprised when he starts to hesitantly speak. "Me and Amelia…" He coughs and can't force his eyes from the table. "I…we weren't together. Not really." He shakes his head and growls, not liking how he can't express what has happened between them. "I ended it. Before something deeper than the simple flirting could happen."

John tries to hide his surprise but can't. "I thought you liked her."

"I did." He growls, watching as his hands formed tight fists on the table top. "But, there was…someone else that…I couldn't get out of my head."

John openly stares at his friend. He hadn't known about another woman, hell he barely knew about Amelia. He didn't know what to say and so he said nothing.

Ronon could feel John's eyes on him. Waiting for him to continue, to explain. "What does virginity mean to humans?"

John coughs and turns away from the muscular man next to him. He had not expected that question. "You mean Amelia?" Disbelief was strong in his voice.

"No." Ronon's answer was quick. "I mean, I wouldn't know. We had never mated." For the first time, John sees his friend blush. It was amazing, the urge he had to stamp down to giggle at the sight. Ronon glares at his friend and tries to quell the urge to punch his slightly smiling face. "Well? Are you going to tell me?" He growls.

Leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest, a wary look over his face, John debates on what his friend is really saying. "Well, I don't really understand what you're asking. Virginity means they haven't had sex."

Ronon shakes his head impatiently. "No, I mean what is the significance when a woman gives herself to a man for the first time." He had not planned to ask this question but now that he had, he needed the answer. Needed it quickly too, before too much hope built up.

"It's different for each person. And truthfully it depends on a lot of different things, like her personality and her age, and -"

"She is responsible, thinks that she has to keep herself to a higher standard than others around her. Kind, compassionate but keeps a distance from most around her. She is in her late twenties but has an intelligence that makes her seem much older than that. Naïve, believes that she can save everyone from everything. Strong, but vulnerable." Ronon stops when John looked shocked and growls. "Well?"

John looked away from his friend and sighed. "I'm guessing that this other woman you were speaking of is the virgin. And that you now have the first hand experience that lets you be so sure of her untouched status." Ronon growls and opens his mouth but John raises his hand and shakes his head. "No, you don't have to say. Look, when a woman waits that long, and is that picky about the people she gets close to, I'd have to say that she probably waited to fall in love. Or marriage."

"Marriage?" It was a term he had heard before but he couldn't seem to remember what it meant past his fast beating heart. _She probably waited to fall in love._ It was true that she had said the words but hearing it from some else…

"Yeah, uh, it's when two people are bonded for life. You know, promise to love and protect each other, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health to their dying breath." Shaking his head, he noticed how the man was taking the news. Startled, as if he hadn't already thought of this before. "Didn't you think of this? I thought that Satedan was alike in earth customs in this department."

Ronon grunts and ran a hand down his face. "I thought that earth was different from Satedan in this way." At John's choked cough, he raises his head and dared the man to laugh. "What was I suppose to think with all of the human females who proposition me every time they come to Atlantis. I thought earth customs were different." He hates the defensive tone to his voice.

John shifts in his chair, uncomfortable in giving Ronon relationship advise. He had the unsettling feeling that if he gave him the wrong advise he would be ending up in the infirmary after sparring with him for the rest of his life. But he didn't like this brooding, well more brooding, unhappy Ronon. "Look, if you like the girl, go after her. If you don't, leave her alone."

Ronon stared at his friend, outrage plain on his face. "You think I would mate with a woman I did not like?" _Did not love?_

John held up his hands, surprised a the outburst. "Look, everyone makes mistakes. You need to figure out if you did or not. That's it."

Ronon stared at his friend. How could he make it sound so damn simple? It wasn't. Not at all. It was complex and messy, and he felt like it no longer mattered what course he took, what action he did, because it would turn out worse than what it already was. But now that John said it, the simple thought stuck in his head. _Go after her_.

He had been gripped with a feeling of something being very wrong, something bad was going to happen and he couldn't get rid of the feeling or figure out what the hell was wrong. And he hadn't seen Jennifer for more than a week, since that day when he had just about knocked her over outside Woolsey's office. And despite his damn honor or his pride, she would always be his, because with that mating she had claimed him as much as he claimed her in the way of his people. And she didn't even know.

John watched as a group of marines walked in for breakfast and was greatly relieved, correctly assuming that the serious talking was done, knowing that Ronon didn't like talking as much as he did today on a good day. "Do you want to go spar? We have some down time 'till our next mission still, and frankly, I'm getting a little antsy. Just don't send me to the infirmary again. That damn Doc has no bedside manner." John winced just thinking of the brusque and rough treatment the new Doc had given to his cut.

"Jennifer?" Ronon looked at his friend in surprise. Jennifer wouldn't purposely hurt another if she had it in her power to prevent it. She wasn't even rough with him when he annoyed her.

"Where the hell have you been?" John replied, a frown crossing his face. "Don't tell me you're still avoiding the infirmary…" His voice lost volume and a look of startling comprehension crossed his face. "Shit! You slept with the Doc?" He hoarsely whispered, eyes wide and mouth slightly hanging open. "And you don't know that she was reassigned and shipped off a week ago?"

"Reassigned? Where?" He yelled drawing the eyes of the marines. Lowering his voice, he glared at John, vainly trying to hide his panic. "Where did she go? Back to earth?" His heart felt as if it was going to beat outside of his chest. Did he make her leave? Would she be coming back?

"Earth? No." It suddenly dawned on John that Ronon was not going to like where Keller had been assigned to. Hell, _he_ hadn't liked it, with knowing how bad luck seemed to follow her. "Ronon she was assigned to the empty planet we found last month. Woolsey got approval to make it into a temporary base for communications."

"Who does he think he is?" And then John quickly followed his friend out of the cafeteria, to the many staring eyes of the people around him, hoping that he could stop Ronon before he killed Woolsey.

TBC

Hello! I just finished my essay for my professor and I felt so happy I thought I'd post this as a celebration! Yeah!

I also thought that I'd explain why I chose to portray Ronon as I did. In many stories I have read, Ronon is self confidant and prone to knowing what he wants and going for it. I thought that for this fic, Ronon was going to be as screwed up emotionally as all of us humans. His culture and society was as complex as our own, so I placed a high value on honor and see where it went.

PLEASE, tell me what you think! If I can make it better, tell me, and I'll see what I can do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - Too late, She's gone ( Or also known as 'Why did I go?)**

Ronan was furious. Was Woolsey both a fool and blind? He sent Jennifer off world. Sent her to a strange planet with nothing but a handful of marines and too many damn scientists.

Had he not told him but two months ago that she was not to go off world unless she was escorted by his team or someone from it, or at least three marines with direct orders to keep her safe? And even then, the marines had to be from the list compiled by him and Sheppard. Damn it, those procedures were there for a damn reason! She carried bad luck around her like he carried his knives.

"I can understand your concern, but I assure you everything is perfectly fine." Woolsey warily looked from his desk at the aggravated giant, who currently looked as if he was but a split second from overturning his desk. "I talked to Dr. Keller not twenty hours ago, she-"

"The procedure for the Doc, is that she check in every three hours on short missions, and every ten on extended ones." This one from Sheppard, who actually gave him an annoyed look.

Woolsey shook his head and wondered briefly if he could order them to leave. He dismissed it quickly, not wanting to look like an idiot when they wouldn't. "This is more like reassignment than a mission, gentlemen. You're lucky that I made it a condition that she had to contact me everyday. Usually it would be a simple update report every week." If he had thought they would be grateful for this, he was disappointed. The muscle monkey simply growled and Sheppard narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

Sheppard was getting more and more closer to actually being pissed off at this man. He had thought that while the Doc was off on her mission, that the procedures that had been formed for her would have been being followed. It was highly fucking annoying to find that they had been completely disregarded and shuffled around to fit what somebody else thought was sufficient. Someone who had no history of going off world with the Doc or any idea how risky it could be.

"To be completely honest, I don't see _why_ these procedures had been made. They are up for review upon the return of Dr. Keller. Which will be in four months." Ronon actually stepped forward, the anger on his face quickening Woolsey's heart. He was more than grateful when John's hand kept the man restrained. "Dr. Keller was emotionally drained and exhausted. I don't know if something happened to make her so or if it just caught up with her." This seemed to grab both of their attentions and Ronon actually looked…guilty? "She requested to leave and return to earth. If she had fought my decision, she would of won. This way I got to keep our CMO. After the base is set up and is running smoothly, she's coming back. It was the best I could do."

Ronon wanted to kick his ass. Wanted to blame Woolsey for sending her away, for putting her in danger. But he was to blame. He could only imagine how she must have felt after he left her room. It was his fault that she was off world with too little protection, and if she became hurt…

John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, we want to sit in on the next communication you have with Dr. Keller. Since you haven't heard from her in twenty hours, I'm guessing that that time will be within the next four." He didn't ask for the time that the meeting would be held, but simply waited for the information.

Woolsey sighed, but it had been expected from these stubborn men. "She contacts me at 15:00. She is very punctual." He glanced at his clock and nodded. "I have several things that I need to do before that time, so if you would show your way out, I'd appreciate it." Then he turned his head down and ignored them.

With a growl and a murderous glare, Ronon stomped out of the office. John quickly followed, glad when he found the hall empty. "So, Chewy, I'm guessing that when you 'recommended' we set those regulations up for the Doc, you weren't as unattached to her as you led me to believe."

Ronon stopped and turned toward his friend. John expected denial, anger. Not shock. "What do you mean?"

"Well," this said slowly, as if testing the water, "I was guessing since you and the Doc were slightly more than friends, that you set up the regulations to keep her safe and close." When Ronon's expression didn't change, John said slowly, "You cared for her."

Then the anger came, and Ronon turned away with a swiftness that almost knocked John on his ass. As John raced after him, he swore he heard him mumbling, "And I thought I was getting over her!"

Currently With Dr. Keller

Something was wrong. Considering how many times this feeling came over her on missions, and how many times she had been kidnapped, ambushed, shot, attempted to be shot, or roughed up, she was wise enough to trust her gut. Just like Ronon told her to do.

"Look, I think that you should do another patrol. Do an even greater radius this time. When I go on missions with Sheppard, the radius searched is at least a mile. You barely-" She was cut off as a rather large hand covered her mouth. She had to restrain herself from sticking out her tongue.

"Look, Doc, I don't tell you how to stitch up people. So you don't tell me how to do my job. Stick to that and we'll be just peaches." He had then smiled and asked her if she would consider eating with him. She left before she did something she would later regret-like being forced to surgically remove his rifle from a certain place that never saw the light of day. Jack ass. And he wasn't even in command either! He was just the guy in charge of the scouting. She couldn't even get the jerk in charge to listen to her! She knew none of these freaking marines!

This mission was not rainbows and sunshine, as she was led to believe. It was constantly raining. The temporary buildings were _not_ holding up to the constant downpour, she was surrounded by men who for some damn reason wouldn't leave her alone, the techies couldn't set up a reliable connection if their lives depended on it, she was constantly thinking of Ronon, the weather was just getting worst, and there were bugs the size of small lap dogs on this stupid, stupid planet. Oh, and she had the very bad sensation of being watched. Not that anyone would listen to her.

Not only was she having to deal with moronic men, she fell asleep and dreamed about Ronon. Which was not a bad thing. But waking up, turning over and reaching for him, happy for that split second before her hand touched nothing but wishful thinking was…hard. She knew that it was not going to be easy, that she would go through out her life thinking of the 'what could have been', her heart, soul and body constantly yearning for one man. One man who thought that the one time they had been together she had been trying to trap him. Or as he said, 'using her body to force his hand'. She still didn't understand what that meant.

So she spent her days physically draining herself. If their wasn't anything to be done in her poor excuse of a infirmary, she went outside and tried to help patch the roofs of their buildings, or stacking sandbags around their camp so they didn't drown in the middle of the night. By the time she was done, sometimes not getting to bed until two in the morning, she was thinking "Why did I go?". She should of stuck around, forced Ronon to see her, acknowledge her. Try to see that what they had done, what she had given him, was simply a gift. She didn't expect anything, it was simply something that she had to do, to live. She couldn't go through life with the regret of not telling him, or not loving him as fully as she knew.

When she dreamed, they were different but the same. Some were so powerful, so sensual and raw that she woke up swearing she could still feel him between her thighs. Others were more soft, simply her being able to touch, kiss and hold him as if he was really hers. As if they were really together; it was those ones that made her cry in the morning.

Today had been one of those mornings, the one where she had to stay in her tent an extra twenty minutes to let the red leave her eyes. But despite this, she was one of the first up, standing outside her tent under the overhang, watching the sky. She had never seen a fire red sky rain. The clouds were a deep dark color from the first rays of the morning sun, that could be seen perfectly despite the rain. It was definitely beautiful, but Jennifer couldn't help but find it slightly disconcerting as well.

"Doc, I was told you need to talk with me?" The big burly marine walked over to her where she was currently staring out over the wet sky. The man in charge of this whole wet mess. Finally, she could talk to him. "I only have a minute. There seems to be so much to do here." She could see the fatigue in his face and for a split second she felt bad for bothering him. It looked as if he hadn't slept for the past week.

"You mean besides constantly worrying if we are all going to drown if we let down our guard for a split second?" She smiled when he laughed, finding it to be a pleasantly deep sound, but it slipped away quickly and a sigh escaped. Back to business. "I was wondering if maybe-"

She should of expected it. She had that damn feeling, she should of known. One moment she was looking into his tired blue eyes and the next his eyes were gone, his face was gone, he was falling away from her, falling down, and she was wondering what had happened. She hadn't even heard the gun shot.

She fell to the ground, reaching for him, yanking her jacket off to help stop the bleeding, thinking that she needed a surgical room, wondering if she had time to get an IV started…despite knowing that it was already too late. Hastily she put her jacket over his face and she told herself that it was to stop the bleeding, that it was too save him…but she knew in the back of her mind that it was to cover the damage. To cover the hole that had once been a face, to hide the bone fragments and brain matter that was all that was left.

She stared at her hands, watching how quickly her green jacket was turning such a dark red color, how it seemed to drown her hands. She didn't realize she was screaming until a soldier slammed his hand over her mouth. She hadn't of known that she was out in the middle of a gun fight without any shelter either. She looked up into the face of the soldier, finding a youthful face staring back at her, yelling at her, tugging on her arm.

"It's too late for him. He's gone, Doc. He's gone." He reached down and removed her hand that had refused to let go of her patient, the one that had refused to give up. Then he pulled her, dragged her, behind the tent and into the woods. He pushed them behind a stand of trees, and with a glance at her, handed her a slightly dirty hankie from inside his jacket. When she did nothing but stare at it, he sighed and placed it in her hand. "It's for your face." He said gently, as if it would lessen the fact that she had someone else's blood splattered on her. She took it and started scrubbing her face, ignoring the red color she was staining the fabric.

Slowly, the yells and gun fire penetrated her numb mind and she was able to slowly ask, "Who are they?"

The answer was soft and immediate, "Wraith." And then the boy, for he was barely old enough to be called a man, aimed his gun carefully and fired. "And they're coming. We have to meet up with my unit. We have to run." He tried to cover his panic, but when he stared at her she could see it in his eyes. They ran.

She was a doctor. She saved lives, she didn't end them. But as they ran through the drenched forest, weaving in and out of the trees, she found that the big knife she had strapped to her ankle a comfort. Yet another thing she had learned from Ronon.

She couldn't help a spark of hope. Whenever she had been in trouble before, he had come for her. He had been there to help her. She only hoped now that she could hold out long enough for him to get here.

TBC

Well, there it is. I was going for Jennifer being in shock after the start of the fight. Ronon is not going to be happy... ;)


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own or even partially own Stargate or any of the characters or get any money from writing this story. And so forth and so on. But I do own the plot, that is all mine.

**Chapter Four- You Can ****Only**** Count On ****Yourself**

They were all tense, their eyes watchful of the dense forest around them and their hands gripping their guns. The men formed a loose circle around her and the three men. These were not the desirable conditions to try and stop the flow of blood or the risk of infection. Her hands were stained black with the blood of all the men she had tried to help. Tried, being the main word. Jennifer couldn't help it as her eyes once again drifted to the man with her coat draped over his chest and face.

She would forever remember his face, so young, and his eyes filled with panic and fear but he had pushed aside his own feelings and had tried to save her. He had raced to her as she was oblivious to the gun fight. And she hadn't been able to repay him by saving him. She had tried so hard to get the damn blood to stop, had tied a tourniquet around his upper thigh to try and stop the…but she had known that it had hit the femoral artery. All she really had been able to do was hold him, was watch as the light that had been present in his brown eyes slowly dimmed. And she had been able to lie to him; he had been half gone and suddenly he had reached out a hand to her face and smiled at her, as if she had been his saving grace. He had a very nice smile, slightly crooked and his teeth had blood smeared across them, but pleasant and _good_ in some way. "Annie, what are you doing here?" His words stilted and slow, "We still getting hitched, Annie girl? You promised. Can't go back on…on a promise."

She wished that he had never said a word. She didn't want to know of Annie, didn't want to know that there was a girl back on earth who would never know that this boy's last thoughts were of her. That there was a girl back home planning a wedding for when her fiancé returned…Annie didn't know that her world had just died. Jenn had looked up, looking for a God or a miracle, she didn't know but she had felt as if her chest would explode from the pain. Slowly she had leaned down to his ear and whispered, "Yeah, we're still getting hitched."

His grip on her neck had increase, as if he could hear her lie. "That's good, Ann. 'Cause I love you."

She had to choke back a sob, and it felt as if she would never be able to speak again but she had finally choked out, "I love you , too." And as his grip slowly loosened, she prayed for Ann as well as the young faced soldier.

As his hand dropped from her, she had calmly reached out to feel the pulse that she knew wouldn't be there. The men around her had pretended not to see her hand shake or the tears that wouldn't stop falling. She had pretended that all the water on their faces was simply rain. Putting her coat over him probably wasn't the rational choice, with the fact that it hasn't stopped raining, but it still had been the right thing to do. She was just going to be a little colder, a little wetter. She still had a sweater and light jacket underneath.

"So, Doc, is my face ever gonna be pretty again? I would hate for these lugs to have to think of another one." The softly spoken question was from the man she was currently tending to…Johnson, though the men called him Pretty Boy. The long gash on his face wasn't what she was worried about; it was the concussion that went with it. Though right now his face couldn't be described as pretty, she forced a smile for him. It felt more like a grimace.

"You'll be a little more rugged is all. But still pretty." He gently nodded before closing his eyes. "Can't go to sleep, Pretty Boy." He nodded and she gave the duty of watching him to a lean marine who seemed very at home with his gun.

It seemed absurd to her, but despite the fear and death that surrounded her at this moment, or maybe because of it, she couldn't stop thinking of Ronon. After the first night, as the rain continued to pour down and the dense forest around them became dark, she had expected him to burst through at any moment. That he was going to come and rescue everyone with his big ass gun. But rain was the only thing that entered that night, making Jennifer as cold as she felt on the inside. The inky blackness of night had softly retreated as the red sun slowly rose in the sky, and as the day began she prayed yet again for him. But no one came. As she sat there next to the deceased soldier, she realized that she was even more grateful for following her heart than ever before. Yes, she slept with Ronon and it most truly did not end well. But if she were to die here, right now, she would be eternally grateful that she had that memory. That she knew what it felt like to be loved in the physical way with a man. As the unending rain seeped through her hood and onto her head, she realized that she could never be sorry for loving Ronon.

Sounds of battle could be heard throughout the day; sometimes it seemed very close and others it seemed very far away. The ground shook and the sky turned black from the rising smoke. Jennifer didn't know how many men where still fighting but she guessed that there couldn't be much left. The men around her had argued on the first day; many wanted to go help the men still fighting, others said that it wouldn't be right to leave the Doc and the wounded. She refused to put her thoughts into it. If they wanted to leave they could, she could handle everything on her own.

But they had stayed. She felt that many still wished to leave, but she didn't think that they could stand her watching them. The second night in that clearing, she didn't-couldn't- sleep. And she reckoned that it was for the same reason that the soldiers couldn't sleep…the sounds of battle went long into the night. Close enough that screams could now be heard. The moaning of the wounded. She had to force herself to stay, to not run to them and help. But the soldiers that protected her here had stayed for her and she would stay for them.

It was on the morning of the third day that the hell that they had been hearing finally came to them. They had been praying that it was over, and that they had won, because the gun shots and shouts had long stopped. It was so silent that morning, as if they were the only living beings still there. Everyone was already up, eyes watchful. Even her two patients had guns in their hands as they sat propped up against trees, though they couldn't hold them up for long periods of time. Her scream of pain was what alerted them that the Wraith had finally come.

**Currently With Ronon **

John stood next to Ronon, looking at what used to be the base camp. The past days of fighting had reduced it to burnt tents and bodies and scraps of everything else. They had gathered the survivors to the middle of camp, to organize and see who was there and who was missing. Seeing the bodies that laid so vulnerable and motionless on the ground, John correctly assumed that most of those missing were dead. But, God, he prayed that he was wrong. Because he had watched Ronon become more and more dark. Had watched it begin as soon as they went through the Stargate and right into a battle. Seen his eyes go bleak, as he saw him turn over bodies that were burnt or small enough to be her, had seen his hands shake before the relief would briefly light upon his features when he found that it wasn't Jennifer.

It was one of the worst battles John had been in and it was because most of the people here had been scientists. They didn't know how to kill and weren't expected to. And because of that they were the first to die. They both stood there, knowing what they had to do, and knowing that among those bodies they were likely to find the woman that they both had come here to rescue.

Ronon must have been thinking the same thing, because he suddenly spoke in a voice that was husky and thick. "She told me that she loved me…that night." John didn't need to ask who "she" was or what night. He knew and with the knowing came pain. He looked at Ronon and found a pain and grief so deep in his eyes and plainly there on his face that he looked away, preferring to see the horror around them then the one his friend was showing. "Said she loved me because I was the only person who thought a growl was answer enough to any question." He laughed but the sound was all wrong. Ronon could hear it himself. He was broken, and would soon be falling apart. He even knew the exact moment that he would shatter…it would be the moment that he reached down and turned over a body, the stench of flesh burnt and rotting filling his nose, and seeing that the smell was coming from his Jennifer. That would be when he would cry out with rage and pain and disbelief and he would hold her body to him, cradle her, and say all the words that he should of said, that he had said too late. And he would wish that all the Wraith that he had killed could come back to life so that he could kill them all over again. He knew what he would do-because he had to do it once before. But this time was so much worse than that last time.

Silently, Teyla and Rodney joined them. Both had been talking to the soldiers, vainly trying to find where Jennifer could be. "The men said that her tent was over here." Teyla softly spoke, and as a group they followed her to a charred and burnt tent, where a large body lay in front of it. None of them spoke out loud, but as they turned over the man and brought him to where they decided the dead would go, everyone thought, "At least it's not Jennifer" and then they went back to their grim duty and slowly others joined them. They didn't worry about the fires; the rain put them out as fast as anything they could of done. Rain would forever remind him of this day or this fight. It was raining when they got here and hadn't stopped since. But then he was quite certain that he could live in a desert for a year and still think of this god awful planet.

Quickly and silently, like the grim reaper himself, they gathered the dead into their little make shift morgue. The only sound was the gentle 'plop' of the rain and the hiss of the fire as it was slowly put out. Which was why the gunshots and sudden screams were so surprising. Only a second went by, where everyone stood still. Ronon was the first to move, running in the direction of the noise. And then John and Teyla and even Rodney followed him.

Ronon dove into the brush and forest and ran toward the gunshots. He already had his gun out, reflex making him grab it upon first hearing the disturbance. He was glad that there were more Wraith left. He was going to kill each of them, going to make them wish that they had left Jennifer alone.

Even before he entered the clearing, he had a hateful thought. That maybe that Jen would be there. Maybe it had been her scream. It was a hateful thought because it brought _hope_. And he knew from past experience, hope that was wasted, that did nothing but _lie_ to you, could crush and kill something inside of you that torture couldn't even touch. He knew this, and despite his best intentions not too, he hope and wished and damn well _prayed_, that Jennifer would be there. He just about passed out from shock, when upon coming upon the clearing that held seven soldiers and five dead Wraith, he also found Jennifer.

The moment he stepped into the clearing he had several different weapons pointed at him with very grim faces behind the barrels. It attested to the fact of how shocked he was that he didn't even give a damn about them. He couldn't take his eyes off of Jennifer. Her blue eyes were darker, as if shadows had invaded her since the last time that he had seen her and despite the fact that her eyes showed how much the sight of him was welcomed, they also showed how much it pained her. They had looked at him with the same sadness after they made love and the few times they ran into each other after. It reminded him that things between them weren't as he would like them.

She was beautiful, so God damn beautiful that he felt like crying simply at the sight of her. It didn't matter that her hair was a matted with mud and that her face was pale or her clothes so dirty that he would throw them away; to him she had never been more vital, more beautiful than at that moment. Methodically, he searched her body for injuries but couldn't tell with all the rain and mud. But she smiled at him with so much warmth and something else, that he felt himself smile slightly at her in return. She was alive. That was all that mattered.

He heard when Sheppard and the others came upon them. Sheppard went about introductions and getting the soldiers to lower their guns, as Ronon should have done. As Sheppard talked to the soldiers and received their account of events, Ronon watched Jennifer closely. She leaned against a tree and closed her eyes. She was wet, exhausted and cold. He could see her shivering. Right when Teyla started toward her, Ronon cut her off and walked to her instead. It was he who went through hell and it damn well was going to be him that got to talk and take care of her. It was as he got closer that he saw the blood.

_**To be continued…**_

So, here it is. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm really excited about the next chapter. Ronon and Jennifer are finally going to interact with each other! YEAH! Sorry this took longer than what I thought, but I was taking summer classes at two different colleges and they overlapped and ran into fall and it just got out of hand. I'm hoping to update sooner than last time!

Please, PLEASE, tell me what you think! Please?


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